Professions - from Quizlady
- An accountant is someone who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded
- A banker is a person who lends you their umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain
- An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things they predicted yesterday didn't happen today
- A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant
- An actuary is someone who travels with a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane
- A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand
- A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there
- A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a brief
- A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room
- A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep
- A schoolteacher is a disillusioned person who used to think they liked children
- A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and then tells you the time